Anna and Yoh
by Surrealistic Strawberry
Summary: A parody of ANOTHER fic 'Yoh and Anna' by Orange Headphones, which is really great if you haven't read it. And YES, I did have permission to make fun of OH's story. Please read the other fic first, and then R&R! Most importantly, ENJOY!


Anna and Yoh.

(Which is a way more original title than 'Yoh and Anna.')

When most guys fall in love, they will say that they need to find a way out of it. No way man, I'm serious. Guys hate all that romantic crap. Well, I wasn't going to say that for a while at first. After all, when I first met my fiancée, Anna, I wasn't _so _scared. But besides the fact that she was cute, I was terrified of her. That chick could most definitely kick my $$. However, since Anna seemed even more opposed to the idea of our marriage than I was, I wasn't very worried! Well, then I realized that we weren't going to be able to break it off. When the time of the Shaman Tournament had come, she began to train me and make me run 19 miles a day and cook for her and do the grocery shopping and climb 30-foot poles and she would make my friends do chores for her and threaten to run me over with her bicycle. But since I'm an easygoing, optimistic guy, I could just say that all that wasn't SO bad compared to the beating that I got from my demented evil twin brother Hao (who looks more like a girl than Anna does DON'T TELL HER I SAID THAT) who wanted to wipe out all the humans and let only shaman rule the world. Needless to say, I'd put up with enough to throw that guy's plans out in da garbage. Yep. Afterwards, when I went back to mine and Anna's humble abode in Izumo, is where my story starts.

I woke up, still hurting from the fight with my brother, and I looked out my window. For the first time in years, I really looked at the morning landscape. Being in this teeny, _tiny_ 100-acre property, you don't see much. Especially because it's out in the middle of nowhere. So I tried to find something that I hadn't seen a billion times before. That was when I really began to notice the subtleties of nature, and how beautiful it all was. I thought, this must be the type of thing Horohoro sees all the time. Then, just as I spotted a fox that had just snapped the neck of a cute little white bunny in its jaws, I held my neck and thought that this was foreshadowing of things to come in this here parody.

_**"YOH!!!!!!!"**_ The demanding voice totally interrupted my nature watch! That voice belonged to my fiancée, Anna. I am a totally happy, unbelievably joyful, jolly 15-year-old dude, so this might seem totally out of character when I tell you that I said, "SHUT UP, YOU STUPID WOMAN, I'M TRYING TO GET SOME SLEEP HERE!"

But can you blame me? I mean after all I had just about gotten killed the day before by my psycho evil twin.

I cringed, hearing her footsteps come dashing to my room. I quickly put myself together so that I wouldn't look as though I had just lept out of the futon, all the while thinking "Oh, man! What did I DO?!" When she knocked, I told her to come in.

"THE HILLS ARE ALIVE WITH THE SOUND OF MUSIC!" Anna tra-la-lad as soon as she entered, waving around a tray with what looked like but couldn't possibly be my breakfast of misoshure and tamago sprinkled with ikura. I mean, Anna can't cook and she always makes me do it anyways. She spun around and around while I sat in bewilderment, but Anna is not very graceful, and being such, soon I was knocked off of my butt when the tray slammed into my face. That couldn't faze me. I was just such a happy-go-lucky little guy after all. I went, "Anna…?"

"Yesss, Yoh-kun?" She snuggled with a toad that was outside the sliding tobira door. Soon all of the animals ran to her and she began to sing with them.

"Sorry, Anna, but…wait, did you call me with a _–kun_?"

Anna turned to all the critters and said in a singsong voice, "Come back later, you sweet creatures who frolic and play in the forest!" She then twirled around (me backing up so as not to acquire any further injuries), and settled next to me afterwards.

For the first time ever, dramatic, sweeping, SCREECHING violin music that you hear all the time in climactic love scenes in seventy-year-old movies began to play from the sky and Anna held me tight before she sweetly kissed me. I pinched myself afterwards. Nothing.

"You look like Anna…" I started. She couldn't be the Ice Queen that I was used to.

"Good morning, my Angel," Anna warmly said to me.

Normally, I could never risk her "Legendary Left," but I needed to ask what was going on. And I did. "Anna, what's going on?"

She tilted her head and asked as calm and serene as a morning breeze, "What do you mean, Yoh? Nothing is going on."

I simply smiled lightly and shrugged with relief, secretly doing the happy dance in my mind. It meant no more training, even if just for one day!

Then Anna told me to eat breakfast. I did.

And then I threw it up and gave myself a mental note never to let her poison me again.

Well, because I didn't want to get trampled by the family of deer that had come to sing a cappella with my fiancée, I rushed out back and escaped from whatever had replaced Anna in our home and sat against the wall of my home. My mochirei, or Guardian Spirit, came to see me. I started talking to Amidamaru, a 600-year-old samurai and my best friend among the dead.

"Amidamaru," I began. "Something doesn't seem quite right with Anna today. I am seriously scared about this."

"Yoh-Dono, I don't quite know what is happening here," he replied.

"It's really weird. Just look inside."

Amidamaru peered around the sliding door, to see Anna and a choir of woodland friends singing "Hi Ho, Hi Ho, It's Off To Work We Go."

"I don't…know…" Amidamaru stammered. "My knowledge on the subject of love is very sparse, so I can't really say anything about it. I would say…go see Ryu-Dono."

"You mean you never had a girlfriend?"

"Oh, of course I have! But she was already dead. That was back at Mata Cemetery, you know."

"Oh."

"Yeah. She never sang with little furry animals."

"Tell me about it. That grizzly is so off-key."

"I shall take my leave now, Yoh."

"Thanks, Amidamaru!"

He had already fled to wherever he came from before Anna could return to normal and bind him with her 1080 beads.

I went back inside, myself. I sat and listened to only the greatest music of all time, by none other than multi-diamond artist Bob Love. It was on the song "Squeeze Me Like An Orange" when Anna came over to me and snuggled.

I didn't avoid the chance to be next to her, because she was really cute, after all. However, my puzzlement was bugging me to the enth degree (even though I'm a really nice, sweet, cheerful guy, you know).

I simply asked her, "Anna, why have you been so nice to me today?"

She seemed offended. "Yoh-kun?"

"Hai…?"

"Yoh-kun?" She moved closer to me.

"Hai…"

"_Yoh_." I felt a tingle run up my spine as she said that dangerously, four centimeters from my face. I was lulled into a dreamy smile, and then pursed my lips to wait for it—

"Clean up all of the crap that those freaking animals left in our kitchen."

"Hai."

"I'm going grocery shopping, since you were _just too tired_ to do that yesterday."

"I was kind of busy saving the world, Anna!" (me, aghast and appalled)

She was gone.

My chance to escape was not wasted.

I don't know anyone who would be willing to mop up a mess left by thirty-two dirty critters.

Actually, the chipmunks were squeaky clean.

But those raccoons, tch.

I'm just glad that those nasty spirits of Tamao's, Ponchi and Konchi, weren't there.

Those guys annoy everyone.

Seriously, I mean, who even likes them?

Takei Hiroyuki-sensei must not have known what he was thinking when he thought up those two stinky animal ghosts. They're totally pointless.

Perverted, too.

Speaking of Ponchi and Konchi!

While you went through all those rambling sentences that were indented like they deserved to be paragraphs or something, I had run all the way to where Tamao was. She was waiting, almost like she was expecting me. I said my greetings, bowed, and asked how things had been. She said they were crappy. I said really? She nodded. I said huh. She shrugged and blushed because she's really, really quiet like that. An awkward silence followed. I don't even know why I went to see her instead of Ryu, but maybe it was because I don't listen to my Amidamaru all the time. A samurai with a see-through head isn't exactly guaranteed to be the brightest guy in the world.

After our few minutes of awesome conversation, I got to my point and asked my question.

"Tamao," I began. "Anna says she's in love with me."

"Really, Yoh-sama??!"

"Oh, wait! That was in the real story! Oops."

"Oh. phew"

"Yeah. Sorry. Anyways, my real question is, well, I think that…I am beginning to fall in love with Anna."

Tamao's eyes began to well up. "That's wonderful. Are you sure?"

"Yes. Although this story is related in first person to the reader, I haven't told them all that at this point in the plot I was really beginning to fall in love with Anna. Not for her looks or anything, but because she's so unpredictable and actually made me breakfast this morning. I don't know what it was about that breakfast, but…"

"It was good, Yoh-sama?"

"No. It sucked."

"Oh."

"But she made it for me! Sweet, huh?"

"Um, well, yeah…"

"Yes. And also, she is a really good kisser. I even got tingles up my spine waiting for my second one."

Tamao turned bright red at this, so I thought that I'd better just cut to the chase and ask her to divine when and if Anna would ever just tell me how she really feels about me.

"Tamao, may I ask you to divine when and if Anna will ever just tell me how she really feels about me?"

"Certainly, Master Yoh." She scuttled off to her kokkuri board.

…I'm a patient guy, I'll wait…

…

………

…And wait…

60 minutes later

"I think I'll leave now," I said to myself, because don't you know? All manga characters talk to themselves 97.4 more than regular people not counting schizophrenics. It's a proven fact.

After that pointless part of my story, I went to see good ol' Ryu.

When I arrived at his Happy Place (he finally found one right after I defeated my brother. What are the odds, eh?), he had a glazed look over his eyes.

"Fallen in love again, Ryu?" I asked, greeting him.

He, still as though in a trance, smiled. "Yes. But my eyes were only glazed because I'm thinking about Krispy Kremes."

"Oh. Gotcha."

"Yeah…" He then shook off the look and properly greeted me with, "Hello, Yoh. What brings you around here?"

"Something you'd know all about." I smiled. "Love."

"Oh, so you and Miss Anna are finally getting together?"

"I hope so, but I'm not so sure about when she'll come around to returning my feelings completely."

"Completely?" Ryu was curious now. "I'm curious now. Please, Yoh, tell me all about it."

"Er, well, for starters, she made breakfast for me this morning."

"Was it good?"

"No. It made me vomit."

"Any woman who can't cook isn't a woman at all!" he shouted out of the blue.

"Huh? She's not a woman?"

"Your brother looks more like one than she does. Just don't tell her I said that."

"Hey, great minds think alike."

"Mm-hm!" He smiled and combed through his pompadour.

"But she did kiss me…"

"OOH SHE DID?"

"…Yeah."

"Was it good?"

I blushed. "Very."

"Any woman who can kiss is a damn good kisser!" I was expecting something like that this time around.

"Um, thanks Ryu, but that really doesn't help me," I murmured.

"RUN! RUN BACK TO YOUR GIRL! GRAB HER IN YOUR ARMS! TOSSLE HER HAIR INTO THE WIND AND KISS HER BACK THIS TIME JUST AS PASSIONATELY AS SHE KISSED YOU THE FIRST TIME!! Trust me, when you get back there will be a vivid orange sunset with lots of little wispy pink clouds. She'll be right there for you, I know it."

I gave him a thanks and ran back to my place. He was an even better diviner than Tamao.

When I got back, it was dinnertime, and to avoid eating anymore slop, I asked Anna if she wanted to go outside. Although she was nice to me right when I woke up, I wasn't sure if she was still on good terms with me being that I abandoned my chore duties.

Well, we went outside and I did just what Ryu told me. I grabbed her in my arms, and then I tossled her hair into the wind. I didn't realize that all of it would blow away, but no matter. She was cute bald, too. And then!

I kissed her, and I hadn't the slightest idea as to how good that would feel.

She kissed me back, too, and afterwards, she said to me, "You're kind of a bad kisser, aren't you?"

I felt like crying. I needed to make sure that she would love me just as much (and just as quickly) as I had fallen in love with her. I said, "Anna, could you just tell me that you love me? Otherwise, this won't end up being a very faithful parody."

"Fine. Yoh, I Love You."

And she meant it, too! But then she made me eat dinner. I kept it down this time and then I went to sleep to forget about my stomach (I swear something was crawling in there).

The next morning, she came to wake me up again. Her hair had grown back! And I asked her something. "Anna?"

"Yes, Yoh."

"How long have you loved me, really?"

She looked down for a moment, and then softly beamed. "Ever since you slayed all of my terrible thoughts." Her steely blue eyes began to spill tears. "I felt like dying every day until you freed my soul. When you killed those Oni, you became the first one that I ever loved."

I immediately blushed. But this didn't stop me from making a bold statement myself.

"Anna?"

"Yes?"

"I Love You."

She looked up at me and positively smiled ear to ear, and then I leaned over toward her with my eyes closed. I softly caressed her lips, and felt happiness again. We kissed, and she surprised me by making it deeper, and more passionate.

Our lips parted with a small suction. "Anna?" I asked.

"What is it now?" She seemed annoyed that I had begun to talk in the heat of the moment.

"Y'know, give Matamune some credit, too. The Great Spirit rest his furry little soul. Don't you love him?"

"Why would you ask something so stupid, Obaka??" Anna snapped.

"I dunno."

"Hell with that cat, Yoh, and come here." She yanked on my shirt, and drew me close to her so that our lips could meet again.

Now this was getting really good, and it was bound to be interrupted. So it was!

The last person I expected barged right into my house because he thinks he owns the world. Funnily enough, that's just what he came to prove.

With his first step, he saw what I was doing to Anna. Out of fear, she slapped me and put on a rather angry face so that she could keep her image as a very tough girl. She winked at me so that Ren couldn't see.

Ren blinked a few times, and in a suspicious tone asked, "Did I just see what I think I saw?"

Anna answered in her old ways. "You saw what you thought. He's my fiancé, after all. What are you doing here?"

"Fn I came to challenge Yoh to a fight that will prove that I am the superior shaman, deserving of the title of Shaman King."

I answered him. "Fine, but we're going to go outside first. I don't want Anna or the house in any way harmed. Understand?"

Ren sneered and gathered his furyoku into a spectacular golden Oversoul, right there in my bedroom! Anna decided to go make some breakfast! I guess she was really liking the contortions that my face went through while eating her creations! So, Ren started out full throttle against me! But WA-CHOW!! Amidamaru is way better than Bason, even though Ren is actually one of the world's most powerful shaman! I used my double medium against him, and then Ren whined, "Heeeey, that's not fair! I only have one halberd! Cheater!" His Oversoul dissipated and he punched me with his own might! It really hurt! Isn't it exciting to see so many exclamation marks in one compact space?!!

Anna wasn't going to stand me getting beat up, and so, since I'm a really easygoing, flexible, tremendously optimistic kind of guy, a lover, not a fighter (and I'm also just a tidbit of a rather lazy person) she came in for me and punched Ren with…the LEGENDARY LEFT.

He flew threw the sky, shouting "HOW DID YOU DO THAT?"

"Love," Anna said with a smirk.

"WHAAAAA—T?! I CAN'T HEAR YOUUUU…" And Ren landed on the moon where he would rule his own little satellite as the Shaman King.

"Wait, Master Ren!" Bason flew off too.

"WELL," Anna huffed. "Breakfast is ready." She scuttled off again.

I quickly followed, stammering, "Wait! Did you mean that?"

"Mean what?"

"What you said to Ren?"

She turned to me with a smile on her face, and she softly said, "Each and every word."

pause ensued "But Anna, you only said one word."

"I meant it."

"Oh. Okay."

Then I ate as little as possible and went out for a jog. That day was pretty boring, so I'm not going to go through every friggin detail. When I went to bed that night, I was in a truly lovestruck haze with nothing but joy in my heart and my head and pretty much nothing in my stomach.

Simply, it was just amazing how Anna became an essential part of my life. We were inseparable. Everybody was surprised to see it, but Anna always either had a smile on her face or at least wasn't frowning or yelling obscene things at me. After she beat Ren up and sent him about a million miles away from our planet, she figured he wouldn't be around to give us a hard time about being so in love.

It took me a few months to take a huge leap. I remember it clearly. I woke up and saw a beautiful sunrise, and thought about how it was so much more gorgeous than Anna's ugly hag face. Then, that glorious sun was covered by a dark raincloud and it began to pour cats and dogs. I looked for Matamune to fall from Heaven, but no luck there. So I shrugged and decided to watch some television.

Well, Anna was there on the couch, and she reached around my back to pull me right onto her. You are probably someone with a mind that belongs in the gutter, so most likely you've guessed that I don't remember anything that was on TV. Well I do so! I remember…um…well there was that Pepsi commercial with the deer, right?...

……

Okay let's forget about going into details about that time which I remember so clearly.

Well, after we finished WATCHING TELEVISION, Anna went to wash her face in the bathroom. I told her I'd be stepping out for a while, but little did she know the idea that came to me.

Anna was my girl, and I wanted it to stay that way (for the moment, until her mood changed). True, we were engaged, but that was decided by my family when we were ten years old. So, I wanted to let her know how much I truly loved her and that I was serious about the idea of us being together forever. I ran into Manta when I was in front of the jewelry store.

"Well, look who it is," I started, grinning ear-to-ear.

"Hiya, Yoh!" my small friend returned the greeting. "What are you doing around here?"

"Running an errand," I simply stated.

"What kind of errand?"

I pointed yonder. "Does that answer your question?"

"Ohh, you're actually going to do _that_?"

"Yup." I smiled and told him, "You have no idea what kind of girl she really is."

"You betcha. All I ever got from her was hell, you know. The bathrooms, ugh…and ESPECIALLY the kitchenwork!"

"Yeah, me too," I reminisced. "But she's done it all for me to defeat Hao. I like to think that she's done it because she cared."

"Hmm…but how did you build up the courage?"

"Oh, believe me, I'll still need it. I mean, I have a huge thing for her, but this is serious business! We're talking about my whole life here!"

"DON'T DO IT, MAN!!!!" Manta screeched in his default hysterical tone. People stopped and stared. "YOU CAN'T PREDICT WHAT SHE'LL DO!!!!!"

"Manta! I know, I know what I am doing! I know that I'll never regret it!"

Manta sniffed and darted off. "HE'S A CRAY-ZEEE MAN, I TELL YOU! STAY AWAA—Y!!!"

I shrugged my shoulders as the many eyes on the street followed him. Not everyone could understand my purpose, I suppose. Poor little guy.

So I finally arrived home after my errand, with Anna there waiting for me. She embraced and kissed me sweetly, and then asked me, "Where were you?" with a hint of worry in her voice.

I kissed her deeply. Then I said, "I went to get us something."

I let go, and took a few steps back to open my bag.

"Double cheeseburger for me; Filet-o-Fish for my Sweetheart. I got you pink lemonade, if that's all right."

"But I made dinner."

I looked up at her, and ran into the kitchen. I quickly tossed her prepared food out the window for some poor animal to die over consuming it.

"I can't stand this anymore! I can't live like this for the rest of my life! Darling,"

I took her hand. "I wanted to make a point. I want us to live our lives freely, unbound by your poor housewife skills. I don't mind; I love you all the same."

Anna eyes grew wide. Her hair stood on end. Her palms sweated in my own. And then, she said the words that made the single biggest impact on my life. "Okay. Let's eat the McDonald's."

I wept in joy, and kissed her face over and over. This meant that I would cook, and we would occasionally eat out. But at least Anna would never cook for me again. If that was the case, then I would be nothing but a ribcage for the remainder of our life together.

**The End**


End file.
